The Anti-Mother

There are two types of women – ones that are meant to have children (Natural Mothers) and those that aren’t (Anti-Mothers).  The percentage break down is unclear but it seems that it would be a worthwhile study.  There are those women who have always wanted children their entire lives, they can visualize having them and then they have simple natural births, like they were created to make babies.  Then there are those woman who may or may not have children, but they never envisioned having children nor considered it a significant aspect of their existence.  A more obvious sign is that their body rejects the concept of giving birth entirely. 

I’m an Anti-Mother.  All babies are blessings but sometimes they are surprises.  I wonder what percentage of children are surprises?  I presume a large number.  In such cases, the first few months are filled with utter shock.  Not dread or horror so much but more of a disbelief on how one is going to manage staying sober for 9 months straight and give birth to something much larger than then the hole it comes from.  Some women say they love being pregnant and those women deserve to be punched in the face.  Creating a baby is a magical process but for some women, it is the worst time of their lives.  Between the sickness and hormonal changes, one can only think of surviving day-to-day knowing that the torture will end although the worst has yet to come. 

I might not know much but I know there are women like me out there.  They may have never wanted kids or felt like they needed them to feel complete but they still have them.  It became obvious to me that I was an Anti-Mother when I was in labor.  Half way through I was at home not realizing I was in labor.  I’m either really dumb or my labor was like no other person or book ever described.  I never had regular contractions even towards the end.  Despite being induced, i didn’t dilate at all.  It was as if my body completely rejected the concept of giving birth. Luckily I was in an excellent hospital where I had an emergency c-section and my baby survived under the spectacular care of doctors in the hospital’s NICU.

Although a baby wasn’t always part of my plan, I have to say it is the best thing that ever happened to me.  There is a special connection between a mother and child.  Its like the baby’s been a fan of mine before birth.  He instantly felt calmed by my heart beat, voice and touch.  The intimate connection and love is indescribable.  And in the beginning when you are totally blown away by how much you love this little person, the remarkable thing is that the love grows even more every month especially as the baby learns how to express their love more and more.  My baby is now nine months and we are super tight.  His smile fills my heart with more joy than I could have ever imagined possible.

Thinking about my experience and this new-found love, I think about woman like me who mentally and physically aren’t really the baby rearing type.  If I gave birth 200 years ago or was in a rural village with no hospital, electricity, or proper sanitation, child-birth could have been the end of me.  The moment I found out I was pregnant, I was petrified of giving birth.  I knew I had access to great healthcare and no chance of loosing my life, but I had never been more afraid of anything in my life.  The anti-mothers who lived long ago and the present day ones that live in communities that don’t have access to healthcare are truly courageous.  Pregnancy is not always a choice and it can mean death for some women.  While giving birth, I experienced the most severe medical emergency of my life and I don’t have a solution for those women around the world that aren’t as lucky as I am.  Public health problems and global poverty are complex issues, and I’m certainly not an expert on either subject.  All I can say is that I honor the heroism of the anti-mothers of the past, present and future.

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One comment

  1. Pingback: The Anti-Mother | Motherhood Blog

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